


Not my king

by SaltwaterAndShips



Category: The Hobbit
Genre: Anger, I WAS TIRED, I actually really ship these two but this was for a friend, I'll probably update this a lot to fix it, M/M, Past Abuse, just so you know, kinda anti-Bagginshield, my baby, poor Thorin I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-15 22:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3464168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltwaterAndShips/pseuds/SaltwaterAndShips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo leaves Thorin after a few angry words, and Thorin is too lost to argue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not my king

**Author's Note:**

> I might come back and edit this, as I wrote it late at night and it probably needs it. This is all written and edited by myself, so if there are any grammatical errors or spelling/ punctuation problems, please let me know.

"Bilbo, what are you doing?" Bilbo froze, his hands paused midway to placing a shirt into his rucksack. Slowly he closed up the bag, tying it shut before heaving the bag onto his shoulders and turning to face the voice he would've recognised anywhere.  
Thorin's. 

Staring at the floor, he flinched as Thorin spoke again. "Are you going somewhere?" Bilbo swallowed hard before answering. His throat felt constricted and he forced himself to look into his eyes. "Yes."  
Thorin was immediate in demanding more answers. " where are you going, and why? You will answer me Bilbo!" His face had hardened into that unfeeling mask that Bilbo had gotton to know well over the course of their journey to the mountain. Bilbo looked near tears as he trembled in front of Thorin. This is exactly why he had to leave, and as soon as possible. "I won't tell you where I'm going, for that knowledge is mine and mine alone, and I am leaving because I have to. Because I can't stay with you." A single tear rolled down his cheek. He thought he could see genuine grief on Thorin's face before the mask returned, leaving him closed off to Bilbo.  
Why are you leaving me? We've been through so much, I don't understand-" bilbo cut him off. "Stop it! Stop trying to make me feel guilty. I'm not leaving because of what we've been through. What we have, this relationship, isn't healthy. For either of us."  
"What do you mean? Are you not happy?" He looked genuinely concerned about his happiness, which fuelled Bilbo's sudden burst of anger. "Of course I'm not happy,Thorin! First you start with insults, and then you tell lies to the others and I, and then you try to have me thrown off a mountain! It gets even better! Since no one would do it for you, you tried to do it! To kill me! I did everything to help you, I loved you!" Thorin didn't hear the small cry behind the message. I still love you. He was shouting, the loud noise echoing throughout the mountain. No longer was he crying, and instead of feeling sad he was livid.  
"I know it was wrong but-"  
"Wrong doesn't begin to cover it!"  
Thorin continued on. "I was sick and angry,"  
bilbo interjected, his voice taking a suddenly very calm but forceful tone.  
"You were sick and angry. What an excellent excuse. Tell me what happens if you get angry again? Will you try to drown me the next time? Or maybe you'll throw me into one of the forge fires! I can't stay with you and worry about the next time you'll get mad, I can't live in constant fear Thorin!" Thorin looked away from bilbo ashamed.  
"I know, I'll try harder. Just give me some time..."  
"I don't think you understand. You shouldn't have to try harder." With those last words bilbo pushed past Thorin and out the bedroom door.

\---Thorin's pov---  
" Are you going somewhere?" Thorin stared at the bag that Bilbo was hastily shoving all his belongings that he had brought to the mountain in. Thorin could feel his chest constrict at the sight of his lover's eyes lowered to the ground and the flinch as he spoke. What had he done to make Bilbo cringe at the sound of his voice?  
"Yes." The panic rose in Thorin's mind until he was practically shouting at him. He couldn't lose him, not after all they had done and after already almost losing him so many times. " Where are you going and why? You will answer me, Bilbo!" His heart broke as he saw the tears that had started rolling down Bilbo's face, and how he shook in fear. It was even worse to know that he was the cause of it all.  
"I won't tell you where i'm going for that knowledge is mine, and mine alone, and I'm leaving because I have to. Because I can't stay with you." He didn't understand, the words a whirlwind in his mind. Nothing made sense anymore. Thorin though he had know hardship and pain, but everything paled in comparison to the words he was hearing now. "Why are you leaving me?" Maybe we can fix this, he thought desperately. " We've been through so much, I don't-" Bilbo cut him off, this time loud and defiant instead of sad and broken. "Stop it! Stop trying to make me feel guilty. I'm not leaving because of what we've been through. What we have, this relationship, isn't healthy. For either of us." He was still in shock.  
"What do you mean? Are you not happy?" He hadn't realized Bilbo had been so upset, nor did he really know why. He thought what they had was perfect in its own way.  
He could hear Bilbo yelling, but none of it was registering. It was like noise in the background as he stared at the bag on his lover's back and at Bilbo himself. He’s leaving me. The sudden realization hit him like a punch to the stomach. He had tried so hard to make things right between him and Bilbo. He had tried everything he knew how to do to finally get the stubborn hobbit to realize his affections.  
Sure the guilt and worry about keeping his people alive on top of the dragon sickness had been hard, but, Mahal knows, he had tried so hard to still be the leader and lover the group and Bilbo had needed him to be. There had to be a way to make him stay, to make him see how much Thorin really needed him.  
He caught the middle of Bilbo's sentence as he brought up the events that occurred during the worst of the dragon sickness. He had to make him understand how hard it was to stay himslef while fighting the sickness, how he couldn't even think about what he was doing while in its grasp. " I know it was wrong, but_"  
"Wrong doesn't begin to cover it!" Thorin continued. "I was sick and angry," Bilbo interrupted again, but Thorin had already tuned out. He had gotten the mountain back and had even gotten to court Bilbo. Why did everything have to fall apart just as he was allowed to be happy again? Why did he always destroy anything even remotely good that happened to him? His mind was screaming at him. Why couldn't he just be a bit more stable? "I know, I'll try harder, just give me some time..." He said it more to himself but was abruptly dragged back into reality when Bilbo's voice took on a new tone. "I don't think you understand. You shouldn't have to try harder." He watched Bilbo push past him and walk out the door, leaving him just as angry and alone as he had always been.


End file.
